


What Would You Think of Me Now?

by NightCourt_HighLady



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: All Human, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 05:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15479133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightCourt_HighLady/pseuds/NightCourt_HighLady
Summary: Aelin Galathynius visits the grave of her first beloved to tell him the truth about herself and to tell him what has happened in the years they've been apart.Modern AU - Assassins and gangs and all that jazz. All humanSongfic for Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World





	What Would You Think of Me Now?

**Author's Note:**

> I heard Hear You Me in a movie recently and was struck by how amazing of a song it would be for Aelin and Sam. So I wrote us a nice modern AU with assassins and kidnappings. You don't need to know the song to enjoy this, but it's definitely a good one to listen to while reading.
> 
> Enjoy!

Aelin knelt by the grave. In her hand were three smooth stones that she placed next to the headstone. Stones instead of flowers, in the tradition of her family. Stones lasted longer. Flowers died, but stones on the grave would remind the dead of their love until they were reunited.

_ There's no one in town I know _

_ You gave us some place to go. _

She’d lived in the city with Arobynn, her master. He’d found her in the streets as a child, mere days after her parents had been killed in their bed. Mere hours after her nanny had been murdered in front of her trying to keep her alive. She’d been raised by him as an assassin. In some ways, she’d been lucky. He could have chosen her for a whore. Instead he wielded her over the rest of the underbelly of the city. The world thought she was dead. But she wasn’t, she’d become Arobynn Hamel’s slave instead.

Until Sam.

Sam.

He’d taken her under his wing after they worked out their differences. On their off days they lived it up in the city. Parties and concerts and bars and whatever they wanted. Arobynn’s name got them everywhere. Until one day, it wasn’t Arobynn’s name that made them pause. It was hers: Celaena Sardothien.

Until Celaena got into everywhere in Rifthold by her own power. By her own name. By the knives and pistols she hid underneath her rich, stunning clothing.

But every idea had been Sam’s. Rifthold wasn’t her city, it was Sam’s city. He knew every inch of it, and he shared it with Celaena.

He’d shared it with the girl he loved.

_ I never said thank you for that. _

_ I thought I might get one more chance. _

She didn’t remember much about the night Sam had died. She remembered that he’d been caught. That they’d been betrayed. It had taken her three years to allow herself to know that it had been Arobynn who’d done it.

But for Sam, she searched for the memories.

She searched for the night he was caught.

In her mind, she felt her killing calm descend. She felt herself truly become Celaena. Become the killer. Lose every single ounce of what made her Aelin, who she wanted to be. She let that monster out.

Because her Sam was gone.

She remembered following a trail, and she remembered the man catching her from behind. She remembered the scent of chloroform.

Waking up in that basement had broken her killing calm.

She knew what they wanted to do to her. And thanks to Wesley, she now knew why.

Arobynn again.

The physical pain was nothing to her. Just scars. More scars to add to the many that had been given to her over the years, some by those she was to kill, some by those who got in the way, and some by Arobynn.

In a way, the physical pain was better.

It was better than facing what she had known even then.

Sam was dead.

_ What would you think of me now, _

_ So lucky, so strong, so proud? _

Aelin opened her mouth.

The tale poured out. 

“My name is Aelin Galathynius. Some call me the lost queen. Lost queen I may be, but before I was anything else I was a little girl who loved her family more than anything in the world.

“When I was eight years old, my parents were murdered. It was storming outside. I went into their room because I was scared. I closed the windows because I thought the floor was wet from the rain. I crawled into their bed between them and slept the rest of the night, thinking it was wet from the rain.

“I woke up between their dead bodies, covered in their blood.

“Later that day, my nanny, Marion, was in the kitchen with me helping me get some food. I think she was trying to preserve some normalcy. We heard some men come into the house. She made me run. I didn’t run when I had the chance. I saw them kill her through the window. They shot her in the arm. Then the stomach. Then the skull. I ran when I saw her dead.

“I spent years with that in the bottom of my heart. Someone died to save me, who thought I was worth saving. Every moment I spent in that hellhole with Arobynn I remembered that someone had died to keep me alive and this was what I was doing with my life. I was doing to others what had been done to Marion. I was a waste of a life, a waste of a death.

“I ran after that. I saw her dead and I ran through the yard, looking for the creek on the border of the property. My father had built a little bridge so that we could go on walks in the woods, the three of us. Sometimes Aedion and I would go on adventures in there. Make believe that we were warriors and would fight off the bad guys.

“But the rain had destroyed the bridge and flooded the creek. I didn’t know. I ran directly for where it was, knowing those men were basically breathing down my neck. I hit the creek at a dead run and ended up swept to the middle. A log stunned me, knocked me unconscious. It saved my life.

“When I woke up, I was in Arobynn’s country house, and I never returned to my home again.

“You see, Sam, you were the first person since Marion who thought I was worth it. Who looked at me and saw someone worth dying for. Someone worth living for.

“I should have told you, Sam. I’m sorry I never did.”

_ I never said thank you for that, _

_ Now I'll never have a chance. _

“I should have thanked you,” Aelin felt tears on her face now. “I should have thanked you for reminding me what it felt like to be loved. What it felt like to be worth a life, a death. I’m so sorry it took me so long to understand that you loved me. I’m so sorry for the time I wasted.

“I’m so sorry for what they did to you.”

And the things they’d done to him.

When she was in that basement being tortured, the physical torture wasn’t the hard part.

The hard part was that they told her what had been done to Sam. What they had done to him the night before. How much of the dried blood on the table, the floor, was his.

That was what had brought tears to her eyes.

That she was lying in her lover’s death blood.

When she screamed, it was Sam’s name she screamed.

She didn’t scream for mercy.

She didn’t scream for them to stop.

She screamed for Sam.

Because he was dead.

And she was lying in his blood.

_ May angels lead you in. _

_ Hear you me my friends. _

_ On sleepless roads the sleepless go. _

_ May angels lead you in. _

It was a mercy that she’d never seen his body. She knew what had been done to him, but eventually she passed out.

She woke up in a hospital, chained to the bed.

They brought her back to life, and then they threw her in the back of a van to take to a prison camp. The kind of camp where people disappear.

She was grateful.

She wanted nothing more than to disappear.

But she wasn’t given that option.

No one would give her the option.

They kept her alive.

And now she knew that she had Arobynn to thank for that as well.

He’d been informed that she was to be kept alive, and even semi-sane.

He would have come for her when he thought she’d learned the lesson.   
She was his, and his alone.

The cologne that he’d sent her was proof of that. 

His cologne.

She was to be his and his alone. 

She didn’t think he loved her truly, but she belonged to him. And he didn’t like people taking his possessions.

_ So what would you think of me now, _

_ So lucky, so strong, so proud? _

Aelin then began to tell Sam of their time apart.

“I thought the prison would kill me,” she told him. “But it never quite did. For a very long time, I wished that it had.”

Then she told Sam about the competition. The leader of her enemy’s country wanted a full time assassin. His son had chosen her in an act of rebellion.

She told him of the trials that she’d endured. The competition, the world of chittering nobles. The people who hadn’t known what she was there for who had dismissed her as an irritation.

She told him of Chaol.

Chaol, the head of the prince’s security.

Chaol, the man who had once looked at her and thought she was going to kill his charge.

Chaol had brought her out of that dark prison.

He’d made her fit to be a competitor.

He’d helped her find the part of herself that was Celaena again. 

He’d helped her win.

She told Sam about how she’d fallen in love with Chaol.

“He’d saved me, Sam,” she told him. “He saved me and he was good to me. He helped me find the first part of myself again. He gave me myself back. Despite how it ended, I’m not sad that I had that time. That I had that happiness. I’m not sorry.”

_ I never said "thank you" for that, _

_ Now I'll never have a chance. _

Her voice trembled again.

Because now the time came to tell Sam about Nehemia. 

Nehemia who she loved.

Nehemia who she’d avenged.   
Nehemia who she’d lived for.

“Nehemia was my best friend,” Aelin said, keeping her hand on those three stones. “She loved me dearly and took care of me.

“But she lied to me.

“She lied to me over and over again. She knew everything, absolutely everything, about me. Even the things that I’d never told her.

“It’s so hard. I want to hate her.

“But she was the first person since my parents who knew me, knew me and saw me and saw every part of me. And loved me.

“She, like you, reminded me of what it felt like to be loved so much that they’d die for me.

“But I was so tired of death.

“I didn’t want her to die. But she’d set herself up to be murdered gruesomely. Just to get my attention. To remind me of who I am and what I had to lose. And gain.

“I swore to her that I’d help free her people from this pathetic excuse of a king. I swore. I made an oath.” Aelin closed her palm around the scar she had from the day that she’d pressed her palm into the earth, swearing to her friend that she’d help.

“And she was right. It took her death to help me find myself again. I was content to be Celaena. But she wanted me to be Aelin.

“I think it’s time to be Aelin.”

_ May angels lead you in. _

_ Hear you me my friends. _

_ On sleepless roads the sleepless go. _

_ May angels lead you in. _

She took a break from her story. Her emotions were a turmoil.

“I’m not going to let it rest with that, Sam,” she promised. “Arobynn isn’t going to get away with what he did to you. What he did to Wesley. What he did to Lysandra.

“What he did to me.”

She whispered to him.

“He dies tonight. If you see him in the afterworld, kick his ass again for me, okay?”

She smiled ever so slightly at the thought. 

_ May angels lead you in. _

Sam wasn’t the kind to let things go. And if he was listening, he knew exactly what Arobynn had done to him, her, and Wesley. If Wesley was with him, then he’d already known. They were just waiting for her to send him to them. 

Waiting for her to finish it here on this earth so that they could make sure the eternal work was done.

_ May angels lead you in. _

Hah. Arobynn wouldn’t get a peaceful afterlife. He would get Sam and Wesley waiting for him. And who knew how many countless others who he had betrayed to their deaths.

_ May angels lead you in _

She knew very well that her afterlife wouldn’t be any better, but she’d take it for the sake of being able to give this one last gift to her beloved dead. To Sam. To Wesley.

_ May angels lead you in. _

And the bigger gift to the rest of her beloved dead that would come after tonight.

To her parents. To her grandfather. To Nehemia. To Marion. To her husband Cal. To their daughter Elide.

To the thousands who had come before her to destroy this monster on this throne and had died for it.

For her cousin, old before his time. Forced to do things she couldn’t imagine.

_ And if you were with me tonight, _

_ I'd sing to you just one more time. _

_ A song for a heart so big, _

_ God wouldn't let it live. _

For a while, she simply lay her head on her hand holding those three stones and cried.

“I’m sorry, Sam, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I was too late, I’m sorry I didn’t save you. I’m sorry they did those things to you. I’m sorry, Sam, I’m so sorry.”

Over and over and over.

_ May angels lead you in. _

_ Hear you me my friends. _

_ On sleepless roads the sleepless go. _

_ May angels lead you in. _

Finally, she told him of the kingdom across the ocean. She told him of her friend and mentor, Rowan.

She told Sam of Maeve and how she’d freed Rowan.

She told Sam of her training. Of how much she’d hated Rowan at first. How she wanted nothing more than for him to disappear.

She told Sam how much she’d wanted to die.

How the only thing that kept her alive was the promise to Nehemia. Just wanting to help her dead friend.

That, and the knowledge that her afterlife would be as miserable as she’d been then. Or worse.

“He’s a grouch, but he’s good. He’s hurting too. He has lost so much more than I have. And we’re finding our way out together. He’s helping me find Aelin again. Helping me be her.”

She told Sam of her tattoos, and she apologized for waiting so long to sing his death lament. “I’m so sorry you had to wait so long. I hope you didn’t have to wait at the door. You didn’t deserve that.”

_ May angels lead you in. _

_ Hear you me my friends. _

_ On sleepless roads the sleepless go. _

_ May angels lead you in. _

_ On sleepless roads the sleepless go. _

_ May angels lead you in. _

Aelin jumped slightly as a strong hand added a fourth smooth stone to the pile.

She looked up into Rowan Whitethorn’s green eyes.

“Are you ready?”

“I don’t have any choice but to be ready.”


End file.
